One-Piece Swimsuits and Other Stuff

Today we went to a water park with the Saxeys. We had a wonderful time. Mostly it was fun to feel the children’s energy and excitement. William has learned to swim in the past month and is trying out his new powers by spending an incredible amount of time under the water. Sam and Lizzie enjoyed a new freedom of being able to go off with their friends, only checking in every so often, and Anna is perfectly satisfied to be my little barnacle, always attached (and held) if possible.

At the water park I also saw something that fit right in with some ideas that have been forming within me. There was a young girl, about 14, who was with a group of friends who were wearing two-piece swimsuits. This girl seemed fresh faced and wholesome and I could easily imagine that she came from a home where modesty is taught. She was wearing a one-piece swimsuit with a pair of shorts.  However, this girl was caught in the crossfire of immodesty. She had somehow rigged her swimsuit in a way that the bottom half of the swimsuit was pushed up to reveal her bare midriff! It was so obviously and awkwardly done. I couldn’t help seeing the image of some young woman trying to shimmy through a too-small leg opening just to try to fit in.

I have been thinking a lot lately about our children’s impending adolescence. I see changes — mostly emotional — happening and I am trying to reconcile myself to the realization that I cannot control what they see, who they like, what they do, how they think about the world or our family’s beliefs. (Or how they wear their clothes once they leave the house!) I cannot keep up with Satan’s subtle tools and traps through technology outlined in the following article that I recently read:

In this article the mother’s vigilance sounds exhausting. Isn’t there a better way? Of course it is every parent’s responsibility to stay connected and informed. Our responsibility is to never stop trying to communicate although I am sure there will come a time, or many times when our children will not be as communicative as they are right now. But I have to believe that some balance is better. I have to give up some of the control and believe what the prophet Joseph Smith advised, “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves,” is a better way than constantly searching out every possible pitfall. Though what mother wouldn’t want to protect their child from harm? Is it because of the guilt and sorrow I will feel when they make poor decisions? (“What could I have done more for my vineyard?” Jacob 5:49)

We are reading “The Giver” by Lois Lowry right now which is a novel about a dystopian society masked as a utopia. It is basically a book about Satan’s plan, where there is no joy, no pain, no choice, no opposition. No love, no risk, no sorrow, no family… How often do I wish away inevitable pain because of the love I have for my children. I want to prevent pain for them and for myself, though not to the exclusion of joy and love!

I guess this all just comes down to trust and faith. Faith and trust in our children who are very moral and valiant souls, though living in such an immoral world and faith in a God who is watching over them and cares for them infinitely. Also faith in my own abilities as a mother. I see so much weakness in myself but these  children came to me for a reason, and it isn’t just because I am married to Grant who instinctively knows how to parent so well. (I’m trying to convince myself of this as I write.)

Yesterday in church during the third hour we women were discussing turning our wills and lives over to God. Several women shared how they had to turn the hard things over to God and he has lifted and sustained them, nourished them during their emotional starvation. Consistently the most difficult thing shared was the pain they felt over children who had lost their way.  I had to take a hard look at myself during this discussion and realize that I have often felt a little judgement whenever I heard about children turning from the teachings of their parents. Judgements like, “I can’t believe they have children who have turned away, they are such good people!” or “Well, that is no big surprise…look at…(what they watch, the way they dress, talk, use their time, whatever). Yesterday as I heard these women I knew that there is no place for judgement here.

Once last thing…Although I feel like I need to prepare myself for the possibility that our children may make some poor decisions, even serious or devastating ones, I don’t feel like it is inevitable. I am so amazed at the strength of our Sam, Lizzie, William, and Anna. They are strong, noble and full of faith. They are loved. Oh, how we love them! I feel the love their Father in Heaven has for them. No matter what, we will love them and He who knows all will love them.

http://www.ldsparentcoach.org/Favorite_Quotes.html