Living Full on Life

Letter to my brothers on February 14, 2007

This weekend has been good. Grant’s mother, little sister Leah and a boy from her dance studio came up and stayed with us. They were here for auditions for the Northwest Ballet Company and to see the Ballet “Sleeping Beauty”. It was fun to see them, Renee and Mark came down too and spent a couple of nights. I don’t mind a full house one bit! It was also funny to see Sammy’s reaction to the idea of a boy ballerina. I think we will have no gender conflicts with him! He is most definitely ALL MALE. All of Grant’s family asked about you.

It has been raining and warm here for the past few days. Charlie is one big brown dog. (Not soft yellow dog). He is muddy and happy- except that he is banished to the garage at night because he is so muddy. I feel like it is spring but I’m trying not to get too excited. It is only February after all and I’m sure we have a few more snowstorms and cold winter days to go before we can officially call it spring. You are lucky to have such nice weather. I wouldn’t mind a few sunny days- though I don’t mind the rain.

Things have been going well here. I can’t believe how big I’m getting, and that I still have so much bigger to get! If you were here right now, I’d bare my belly to you to illustrate… be glad you’re not here! Put a soccer ball in your shirt and you will get the idea. (I’m not beach ball size yet) The kids and Grant are doing well, I just feel so thankful for them all. The Lord just keeps on blessing us. There is not room enough to receive it all! I’m sure a lot of that has to do with the good work of you two boys. Thank you thank you! (And by the way, could you work EXTRA hard around the first of May?) I’m glad our baby is due on the 8th because we will hopefully have had him before the 13th (Mother’s Day) when you call!

Lately I have been having some silly struggles with a woman in our ward. We serve together and she is so hard to work with- not very friendly or ever really satisfied with what I do. Last week she was so short with me on the phone and when I asked her if she was o.k. she said, “No”. I asked her if I could help her in any way she said “No”. And dropped it at that. End of conversation. I gave her a note today to tell her that I would love to be of any help to her and that I consider her a friend and hope she would feel the same. I was sorry for her difficult time and sorry if I hurt her in anyway…blah blah blah blah. She took the note and didn’t mention anything about it or even talk to me the rest of church- but was very friendly to some people standing right next to me at church. It is really funny that stuff like this is still happening. It seems so Jr. High to me. All I can say is, I feel like I have done my best by her and assume that she is having some big problems in her life that are difficult to handle-and somehow, taking it out on me is making it easier on her. Nonetheless, it takes me all by surprise and I have to keep reminding myself, “It’s not me, it’s her. It’s not me, it’s her.” (I seriously can’t think of anything I could have done to hurt her.) And keep praying that I can help her in some way and to have discernment as to when and how to help. I swear, people relations are SO COMPLICATED. Kids are so much easier to be with! So are dogs for that matter. (Kevin on the other hand is one complex cat- you never know if he wants to scratch your eyes out or lick you!)

Well brother, I better be going it is my bed time (9:53).  I have an old friend and her kids from Virginia coming over for lunch tomorrow and have no idea when I’ll have the time to cook, and clean up for it before they get here at noon but I’m excited to see her anyway.  I love you. Keep up the good work.

P.S. Today in Sacrament meeting Sammy wrote his testimony but got a little frustrated with trying to sound it all out and write it himself so he dictated it to me and I wrote it out. Then, he asked me to read it to the other children in primary. As it so happened I knew we would be one talk short in primary so I asked him if he would share it with the kids for a talk. He was scared but willing and did a good job. I love these little kids. Lizzy drew me a picture and wrote some letters on the picture to tell me she was sorry she had a tantrum about the sweater I wanted her to wear to church and Sam wrote a note to me that said “mom lavs me”. I wrote back to him, “Yes, I do love you very, very much.” Communication is a blessed thing. So is love. So are families. So is our loving Father in Heaven who makes it all possible.

P.P.S. Ra showed me pictures from your mission. I love your shack! It was fun to see. Ra came over tonight and we played a game of chance called Trouble. I beat her five times and it drove her nuts. (She won once- the first time) It was really fast moving (it is a game for kids-like Sammy and Lizzie get it) and so we were just whizzing through the games and laughing our heads off. I’m so thankful she at least is still around. I would feel very dejected. Who would be stupid with me when Grant is busy or gone? Too bad she doesn’t live here so when Grant is out of town I could make her stay up all night. It made me laugh for you to bring that up. You were such a good sport! What great memories for me. Love and xoxo -c

To Zach the same week:
P.P.S. Sammy keeps having dreams about when you come home. Today after his second dream in two nights he said how frustrating it was that it seems so real in his dreams and then he wakes up and it isn’t true-you aren’t home. I told him all he has to do is keep dreaming it long enough and it will come true. (like another year and a half). He cheered up a little at that idea. I still get surprised by the strength of the bond you formed with these children. If for no other reason than that your difficult year of staying home was worth it in my book. Thanks for your love and efforts toward them.

Letter to Zach on 2/4/07

…By the way, a laptop doesn’t really work on you lap when you don’t have one!-my arms are reeeeeeeaaally stretching to get around my big belly)

The kids have been so funny and adorable lately. I have been trying two experiments to improve the way they get along. They seemed to be always fighting and never just playing together so I decided that we would have TV Free days MWF and that they couldn’t play with friends for awhile (it was about two weeks) I told them that they couldn’t play with friends until they learned that the best friend they could have was their sibling. It has been SO MUCH BETTER!!! Of course we have a few squabbles here and there but they actually play together! I think Sam has discovered the value of Lizi’s imagination (she has an incredible one) and Lizi has discovered how exciting Sam can be even though he doesn’t wear ballet clothes (or anything pink for that matter). And not being able to watch movies has really helped them learn that they can entertain themselves and have a good day without the television! Sammy’s reading and writing have really taken off. He is using his writing skills to get what he wants by writing apologies and explanations for bad behavior and then giving them to Grant, Lizzie or me or even some of his friends. His little crooked handwriting “IM Sori” letters melt my heart! He has also learned that he can ban Lizi from his forts and their room by writing “No Lizze alowd” I’ll tell you it is quite a barrier for a girl who can’t read. Lizi on the other hand has developed into the future Minerva. She draws and draws and draws. Not only does she draw, but she will spend an hour on one picture and include every little detail imaginable. Today in church Sammy was trying to do a nice thing for Lizi and quickly drew her a mermaid and then wrote “Little Mermaid” above it. She sweetly thanked him then upon closer inspection detected a difficiency and scornfully asked, “Where are the ARMS???” Sammy, (a little embarrased) quickly added a stick arm (no hands or fingers) on either side and handed it back to a now satisfied sister.

I don’t know if you heard this story or not but around the time of Lizi’s birthday, when describing what sort of decorating she wanted for her tea party and among all sorts of pink and purple decor, she asked if I would remove all the spiderwebs from our house as part of the special decorations. I removed the largest, most obvious ones but left others. Well, a few days ago she was drawing a picture of our house and after about forty-five minutes of drawing details she added a very large spider and a big black spiderweb. (the rest of the picture was drawn in pleasant pastel colors) She obviously did not want to leave anything out! AND, I obviously should do a little better with the spiderweb removal.

We are all doing very well here. Grant is moving right ahead with adding a 9th grade at the school for next year. All the parents and board members are excited. Every time I run into someone from the school they tell me what a great job he is doing and how much they love him. I’m the first one to agree with anything they say!

I am getting very large and so is this little boy. He is moving around right now- whole sections of my belly will suddenly poke out and then he will move and another section will do it. I love the feeling of movement in there. Now he is about 14 inches long and weighs about 2 pounds. I have 12 more weeks to go which doesn’t sound that long until I look outside and see the snow and realize that he won’t be born until spring is in full bloom- and then that seems like an eternity! Do you realize that it was around my due date that we all started working on the fence last year?

Grant and I are really excited for the spring to see how our lawn comes in and all the flowers we planted turn out- not to mention the rose bushes!  This year we hope to put in a simple fence around the garden area, plant twenty or so trees and hopefully re-do the deck (and have a baby). We also hope to help fat Charlie loose some weight. A couple of months ago I took him into the vet because he had a cut on his paw that wasn’t healing. They weighed him and he was at 110 lbs! We decided to put him on a diet and try to give him a little more exercise. I promise I have been trying to feed him less! However, when I took him in this last week for his shots instead of loosing weight he put on ten more pounds! He is twenty pounds overweight!!!! Oh the GUILT! I felt like a terrible pet owner. If I felt this guilty I can’t imagine how I would feel if one our children was a chub. Maybe he is putting on some sympathy weight because I have already gained about twenty pounds. I just have to warn you for the future…I sometimes wonder if pregnancy isn’t more difficult for the man than it is for the woman (though if Grant ever suggested that I would probably bite his head off). The reason I say that is because sure I’m the one throwing up and getting huge and uncomfortable and moody and my joints are loosening and hurting and my eyesight gets worse and I have to spit all the time (yes, still spitting) and I always have heartburn and a bad taste in my mouth and my back is killing me…but at least I get to have the joy of creating a baby. I get to feel it moving inside me. I get to bond with this baby even before I see it. I have reminders every minute of the miracle of creation and birth and life and the plan of Salvation and I get to feel the gift of a loving Heavenly Father who allows us to participate in this incredible act! Grant, on the other hand just has to put up with a cranky, moody, emotional, huge, sore woman! He is asked to give countless back rubs. He has to put up with coming home at night to no dinner and a messy house because I was too tired or sick to do it! He even has had to take the trouble to help me get out of a dress two Sundays ago when I tried on a non-maternity dress, saw that it didn’t even come close to fitting and then because it was so tight I couldn’t get it off! So you see, don’t you think I have the better deal?

I think this has been a sufficiently long letter. I hope I haven’t bored you will all this. We miss you SO MUCH and love hearing from you. (Though we understand if you can’t write just to us, the family e-mail is great). We hope you have a wonderful week. You are always in our prayers.

Love and hugs and kisses (Charlie sends a lick, Kevin sends a bite and nameless baby boy sends a kick),

Candice and Co.

Archived 1/12/20

Letter to Zach 1/14/07

Tonight we had Mom and Ra over for dinner to celebrate Mom’s birthday. It was really fun. I made a cake that tasted like chocolate dust and fell apart as I tried to get it out of the pan. We just slathered the chunks with frosting and laughed over it. The kids drew mom the most adorable pictures. Today was stake conference and the kids were so good. Lizi is in a particularly adorable stage right now. She sat still for at least an hour! We figured out that Sam moves his body at least 8 times for every one time that Lizi does. Since we are on the subject of kids, I wanted to let you know that they plan and connive all the time about what they will do when you get home so be prepared! They look forward to that day with great anticipation. The latest scheme is that Sammy will have power to climb walls (sticky suction cup hands) and Lizi will have the power to be invisible. When you get home Sam will be high up on the wall and Lizi will be invisible and when you come into the room (at the airport?) you won’t be able to see them and then they will jump out and scare you! Consider yourself warned.

We are all getting very excited for the arrival of little boy Beckwith. We would be even more excited if we knew his name. We have thrown a few ideas around but can never come up with anything. I still LOVE the name Solomon (Saul for short) but I can’t sell Grant on the name-mostly because of Solomon in the Bible and his 5,000 or so concubines. I am feeling so thankful to have good results of the amnio. I never realized what a burden not knowing from week to week whether this baby would be healthy or not. Knowing that he and I have the same blood type now makes it possible for this to be a perfectly normal pregnancy. What a blessing that is. I feel like the Lord just keeps on blessing us so much. Just when I think that life can’t get any better it does. How am I so lucky in the face of so much suffering and pain in the world, and even in our own family? In my less faithful moments I worry that things are so good, and have been for so long that they can’t possibly last and I wonder what horrible trial will befall us next. However, in my more faithful moments I tell myself and I truly know that as long as I am trying my best, whatever the Lord has in store for us will only bring us closer to Him. I should relish the idea instead of fear it. And isn’t a life of blessing and gratitude just as much a part of His plan as suffering? Especially when you have a spouse as good and true as mine! Lately I have marvelled at what an amazing and steady person Grant is and feeling so grateful for him. (As you can tell I am at what is called the “Golden Age” of pregnancy. It is the middle part where I am no longer throwing up as much and not yet so huge I can hardly move-so I feel pretty comfortable and really excited)  But back to Grant, I just feel so excited for you that you are doing what you are doing now. Because I know that what you are doing, your missionary service is part of what made Grant the amazing man that he is. I know that because of what you are doing you will someday have a wife that will praise you and adore you as much as I do Grant.

Isn’t it nice to be so far from this all and engaged in such a cause as yours? I loved being immersed in the work and having no other cares (especially not dating and money cares). I want to let you know that we all love you so much. Mom tonight said, “I bet you love having your house all to yourself again and not having hungry teenagers here all the time eating you out of house and home.” Grant and I (and especially the kids) don’t feel that way. We feel like a huge hole was left (and I don’t mean the one in the wall from your heel) when you guys no longer lived here. You enriched our life so much. I love to look at pictures from that time and feel so lucky that we could spend so much of that together. Thank you for what you have given us of yourself. The Lord is lucky that he gets you now. I’ll try not to be jealous.

With all our love.
Grant, Candice, Sam, Lizi, Boy, Charlie, and Psycho Cat.

By the way, the week after Christmas we went up American Fork Canyon to a place called Tibble Creek Resevoir. There we walked across a frozen reservoir and to a snowy slope in a clearing in the middle of a forest. The sledding was great fun. The funnest part was that Charlie was there with us -he was so entertaining! There was a part of the reservoir that wasn’t frozen. Charlie gingerly walked to the edge of the ice and then dove into the water and swam around for awhile lunging at the ice chunks that broke off when he jumped and eating them as he swam. Then, Grant put him on the sled with him and Charlie, Grant and Sammy went down the hill together. It was really funny. Oh, and Charlie weighs 110 lbs now. He is officially on a diet because the vet says he should only be 95-100 lbs. He doesn’t look fat, just really big!

Archived 1/12/20

Letter to Zach 12/25/2006

Merry Christmas! We love you and miss you! It was wonderful to talk to you. Sammy missed you so much after talking to you that he got in bed and when I went in to talk to him he said he was sad and then proclaimed, “I have a troubled life” He cheered right up when we talked about seeing you again and the wonderful work you are doing. I felt the Christmas spirit so strongly after talking to you. Thank you for talking and all the wonderful work you are doing. We miss you and love you and are thankful for you!

Love,
Cando and Co.

Letter to my brother Zach on a mission in Chile:

The funniest thing just happened (this minute). Kevin has been acting so strangely lately. He is constantly attacking us and just basically been psycho- more than normal and that is saying a lot as you are well aware. Just now he was sitting on the counter staring down at the oven when all of a sudden he launched himself down and I heard a loud crash of Kevin hitting the oven. I looked over and saw KEVIN TRIUMPHANT walking around the counter toward me with a TAIL sticking out of his mouth! All I can say is it is a good thing he just caught that mouse because I was really close to gettting rid of that crazy cat. At least now he is earning his keep! The only problem is he let it go and started playing with the thing. That’s all I want is a half dead mouse hiding under the couch! Grant saved the day by coming in and picking up Kevin (mouse and all) and putting him outside with Kev growling at Grant the whole time.

Today we got our first real snowfall. The kids and Charlie went outside and rolled in the snow for a few hours. Rebecca came for a visit and as she was leaving I started throwing snowballs at her. I also lost my balance and left a very distinct mark in the snow (hand print, shoulder print, bum print leg print). I think I lost the snowball fight. Grant right now is outside shovelling snow pushing a shovel in each hand as he walks. Have I ever mentioned that he is a “Genuine Stud”?

Tomorrow is our big test. It is called and amniosentieses (SP?). They will stick a big needle about a foot long into my belly to test the baby’s genetic makeup so they can determine the baby’s blood type so we know what route to take with this pregnancy. If it has the right blood type (mine) we will have a normal pregnancy. If it has Grant’s then we will have to proceed with weekly ultrasounds and possible blood transfusions to the baby while in the womb. We will also find out if the baby is a girl or a boy. Needless to say I am really interested to find out the results. Please send a few prayers heavenward in our baby’s behalf ok?

Archived on 1/12/20

I’ve started to include in my blog some archived emails from family that are snapshots of our family from earlier time. This email went out to all of Lizzie’s uncles:

Just thought you all might like to know…Lizzie wants all the “big boy uncles” and grampa, (and she named you all by name, Uncle Mark, Uncle Dan, Uncle Shaun, Uncle Paul…plus my brothers Zach and Isaiah) to come to our house and build her a real castle, pink in color, and just right for Princess Lizzie. So jump on your magic pumpkins and get over here.  Oh, and one other thing, She said that it would be ok for the cousins to come and play with Sammy while the men of the family were building her castle!

Uncle Mark responded:
Would you please tell Lizzie that I would love to come and help build her pink castle and, in the very near future, we will even have a new cousin for Sammy to play with while I work on her pink fortress. Unfortunately, we are still trying to find our magic pumpkin, so we may need to temporarily put the project on hold. 🙂

Uncle Paul said:
How cute is that! I’ve got a few princesses that would like the same. Now I’ve got two castles to build, so I better get busy.