Living Full on Life

Cottage Meetings, My Husband and our First Freedoms: William’s Warning

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Yesterday, the day before Hawaii became the 15th state to permit gay marriage, Grant was asked to speak at a cottage meeting about the culture war and the attacks on our first freedom. He was amazing. I am grateful to be married to a man who has such strong convictions yet so much compassion (a balance not easily obtained). I know I need to formulate my own approach to discussing the issues of our day, especially this one that is threatening our very right to worship God. I just wish I were better at speaking. I’m sure part of it comes with research, (first seek ye to obtain my word) but why do I get so weak-kneed, why does my heart beat so fast I feel like it is about to burst whenever I have to say anything in front of anyone? I do not doubt that some things get easier with practice…I just can’t help but feel like I hope I never have to practice that much! In the meantime I need to read, research and write down how I feel about this topic that will effect us all so much.  Until then, I will post this wonderful clip from the LDS church. Scroll down until you get the one called “What Is Religious Freedom”.

Apparently William is also thinking of heavy things. Recently he left this note on Sam’s pillow:

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It says, “In 1947 the battle ended on 4105. In 2 days there will be a big war between China and America. So duck and run.” Boy oh boy do I wish I could see what this looks like in his head.

Halloween

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Four years ago today Sam was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He was scheduled to be baptized a month earlier but woke up vomiting on the day of his baptism. And so on Halloween Day he was baptized. Before his baptism he had planned on dressing up as Calvin from “Calvin and Hobbes”, but after he decided that he didn’t want to be something bad so he was a lumberjack instead.

Today Grant and I took Sam to the temple for the first time to do proxy baptisms. I loved seeing him there and his excitement to be there. I was excited for him that he could feel the spirit of serving in the house of the Lord. I love that he goes to school right across the street from the temple and now he can join many of the other 7th graders that go together after school!

Remembering and Life’s Little Details

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First a link I love. It is a video from lds.org called “Moments that Matter Most”.  It is cheesy, lovely, sappy and makes me cry every time I watch it. You can find it here.

I don’t want to forget the little details of my children and what makes them individual so I guess I ought to write them down as I remember them or experience them:
William prefers to eat lunch/dinner foods for breakfast. He has been known to have turkey sandwiches, lasagna, spaghetti, anything I am making that morning for the kids lunch. He will eat cereal only if he is really in the mood and that is only rarely.
William is very cautious. He will walk his bike down hills even very little ones because he knows he hasn’t quite mastered bike riding yet and doesn’t want to take a risk.
Lizzie is the delight of Anna’s life when she tries to be. On Friday night she helped Anna clean up her room and then they played hospital. Lizzie has the most amazing imagination (it reminds me of Lex and the games she used to direct). They went all out with their imaginative play. About 20 minutes into it William hurt his foot and so we picked him up on a “stretcher” (my old blankie), carried him into Anna’s room and put him on the “operating table” which was two little tables put together with a blanket over it, a pillow and a lamp shining on it. I left the room then and when coming back ten minutes later discovered a happy little boy laying on the bed with his foot wrapped in an ace bandage eating “medicine” (smarties).  About five minutes after that Matthew Saxey got whacked on the head by the disc swing and so he was whisked off the the hospital too. He was treated so well (blue scarf head bandage and smarties) that Sam and Andrew Saxey where trying to storm the hospital with their own “injuries”.  Lizzie just instinctively knows what children will like and how to make the world interesting for them. I appreciate that talent in her.
Anna and William are our best eaters. They both even like salsa.
Lizzie is asking for a combined birthday/Christmas present. She wants and I pod touch. Sam recently admitted that he didn’t want Lizzie to get one because as the only child with an I pad he likes the power he wields of having everyone have to come to him to play games/ listen to music. I liked his honesty.

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Can I Do Hard Things?

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Once every three months or so I have a couple days where I want to just “quit everything”. By quitting everything I mean, all the extra-curricular things in which we are all involved, not the essentials. The stresses of practicing, nagging, driving, driving, driving, attending lessons, paying for lessons, trying to find time for it all, being a cheerful, encouraging mother who gives positive reinforcement when really I want to say something disparaging about Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (I would perfectly satisfied if I never heard that song again), and just being consistent is the hardest thing of all for me. I am the one who can never finish an antibiotic because that requires being consistent for TEN WHOLE DAYS. Prenatal vitamins? I was actually relieved when my OB would tell me not to waste my time taking it because I would just throw it up anyway, at least then I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about every time I forgot.
   I am the queen of doing things in spurts. It is General Conference time again and I know that I will feel the fire of the spirit of change and for a couple of days, ok, maybe a week I might actually make some changes but sooner or later I will go back to my same old self, plodding along (hopefully toward perfection). My house work follows the same pattern of devotion and disdain as does laundry, weeding, budgeting.
   I so appreciate how encouraging my parents were in letting me try whatever I wanted to try. I played the flute for six months, the piano for two years (and never practiced a day of those two years), singing lessons for three months and played the harmonica on and off for a year. I took ice skating lessons, ballet, ski school, tennis lessons, played volleyball, softball, and basketball. I took art and ceramics lessons. I pursued mountain biking, rock climbing, mountaineering, rollerblading (including roller-hockey), and telemark skiing.
   So what did all of this do for me? It showed me that the world is an exciting and interesting place. I have wonderful and exciting memories. I guess it made me fairly well- rounded. However, sometimes I wonder how I would be different if I had been made to stick to something and be consistent. Maybe I would be a better, more patient mother with my own children as they strive to develop their own talents. How could I ever possibly choose which part of me I would take out because I would adopt consistency instead? If all of my time had been spent practicing and excelling at say, the piano, that certainly would not have left time for me to enjoy all the other things I got to try and which became a part of me?
  So my questions are:

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Miscellany

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I have been wanting to write up a big post on Sam for his birthday as I have for each child for their birthdays every year but the task just got so big I kept putting it off and putting it off, causing me to miss opportunities to write down other, smaller moments. This is my attempt to catch up a little…
Tonight (Sunday) we were playing a fun game of Liar’s Dice that Lex and Jeff gave Sam for his birthday. Part of the strategy of the game was to bluff. Sam was losing to both Grant and I and exclaimed, “I don’t like being after you Mom cause you’re a liar, and I don’t like being before you Dad cause you are so smart!” (I don’t think I should play this game anymore.)
Today Sam was given the Aaronic priesthood, ordained a deacon and  got to pass the sacrament in church.  He also was given the chance to share a favorite Article of Faith with our whole congregation. He had been sitting with the other deacons before he went up and so didn’t notice that Anna had been putting princess stickers all over her patient cousin Dallin’s face. I mean they where ALL OVER! Sam went up to the pulpit to say his recitation and after a line or two noticed Dallin, who wasn’t trying to be silly or anything but was looking sweetly at Sam. Sam burst out laughing and then couldn’t recover throughout the rest of the scripture. Mom, Lex and Jeff and Rebecca where having an equally difficult a time staying under control!Aside from the humor of the situation, seeing Sam receive the priesthood and take on that new responsibility was a beautiful thing. He truly is, as Moroni is described, a “sober” child. Sure Sam can be goofy and silly sometimes, but when it really matters, Sam can be trusted to make good decisions, to think of others and to be an example.  His 7th grade teacher recently said that when Sam raises his hand in class she knows that she can trust him to strengthen and deepen the discussion. Sam’s blessing today said that Heavenly Father has great trust in him. What an honor for me to be his mother.Last night (Saturday) Grant and I were about to leave on a date. Anna was sitting on my lap facing me. She patted my not-so-flat middle aged tummy and kindly said, “Wow mommy! You are full!” I had not eaten yet.

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Taking Care of the Little Mother

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Our children know their parents love each other. We have a tradition that when we are watching a movie together as a family and there is a kissing scene, Grant and I get to give each other a kiss. The children react with varying degrees of delight and disgust.

Today I was snuggling on the couch with Grant and William came in, observed us snuggling and said with a happy smile, “It is so fun seeing the dad take care of the little mother.”

Also today I subbed in Sam’s primary class.  I had forgotten that I was to teach his class and so was in somewhat of a panic. Sam was so kind and good to me. He took it upon himself to reassure me and help in anyway possible. The lesson was on the story of Samuel and on listening to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. I barely knew the story of Samuel, just a few basic details so while I was hurriedly perusing the chapters in the Bible I asked, “Does anyone want to tell the story of Samuel?” Sam volunteered and proceeded to tell the WHOLE story! He had learned it in school! In fact, he had done a two page biblical biography on Samuel. He was able to share so many details as well as the spirit of the story. I felt overcome with gratitude for  a son who is so spiritually sensitive.  Thanks for bailing me out Sam!

One-Piece Swimsuits and Other Stuff

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Today we went to a water park with the Saxeys. We had a wonderful time. Mostly it was fun to feel the children’s energy and excitement. William has learned to swim in the past month and is trying out his new powers by spending an incredible amount of time under the water. Sam and Lizzie enjoyed a new freedom of being able to go off with their friends, only checking in every so often, and Anna is perfectly satisfied to be my little barnacle, always attached (and held) if possible.
At the water park I also saw something that fit right in with some ideas that have been forming within me. There was a young girl, about 14, who was with a group of friends who were wearing two-piece swimsuits. This girl seemed fresh faced and wholesome and I could easily imagine that she came from a home where modesty is taught. She was wearing a one-piece swimsuit with a pair of shorts.  However, this girl was caught in the crossfire of immodesty. She had somehow rigged her swimsuit in a way that the bottom half of the swimsuit was pushed up to reveal her bare midriff! It was so obviously and awkwardly done. I couldn’t help seeing the image of some young woman trying to shimmy through a too-small leg opening just to try to fit in.
I have been thinking a lot lately about our children’s impending adolescence. I see changes — mostly emotional — happening and I am trying to reconcile myself to the realization that I cannot control what they see, who they like, what they do, how they think about the world or our family’s beliefs. (Or how they wear their clothes once they leave the house!) I cannot keep up with Satan’s subtle tools and traps through technology outlined in the following article that I recently read:
In this article the mother’s vigilance sounds exhausting. Isn’t there a better way? Of course it is every parent’s responsibility to stay connected and informed. Our responsibility is to never stop trying to communicate although I am sure there will come a time, or many times when our children will not be as communicative as they are right now. But I have to believe that some balance is better. I have to give up some of the control and believe what the prophet Joseph Smith advised, “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves,” is a better way than constantly searching out every possible pitfall. Though what mother wouldn’t want to protect their child from harm? Is it because of the guilt and sorrow I will feel when they make poor decisions? (“What could I have done more for my vineyard?” Jacob 5:49)

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Worth

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Recently my half-sister Megan (Greg’s eldest daughter) and her family stopped by for a brief visit. She has been wonderful about keeping in touch, which I really appreciate. It was nice to talk with her and her amazing husband and sweet children and to get to know them all a little better. She told me that when they were going through our Dad’s (Greg) drawers at work they found a pile of letters from Lex and I from our high school and college years. I was shocked and moved. With this little bit of information I feel like she has given me a little treasure that I can keep in my pocket. A treasure of love, worth and acceptance. Oh how important it is to give our children a place in this world! 
Today in Sunday school we talked about the difference between “worth” and “worthy” and how we need to understand that even when we are not “worthy” we have divine “worth” and that our worth in the eyes of God will never change based on our worthiness. I believe that when we are unworthy Satan’s favorite tool is to make us feel like we do not have worth. I made a goal then and there that I would help our children feel my unconditional love even when they fail, or fall, or disappoint. I can love them by allowing them to understand consequences to their actions and not by withholding my forgiveness, attention, or love. Being a parent can be scary business! I really feel like it would be very easy to mess up these sweet children because really I’m just trying to understand big lessons myself! Thank goodness for the Spirit, for Grant, and for a host of other people who love and guide them too!

Practical Application

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This morning during scripture time Grant shared Acts 20:35, “…It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Lizzie really resonated with this scripture and exclaimed, “Yes! That is right! It is better to give a punch than to receive one!”

I’m so grateful these children are making the scriptures so personal.